My Baking Fiasco

Last week I volunteered to bake 3 dozen homemade cookies for the teachers at Luke's school. Nice offer. Problem is I don't cook...at all. I'm not kidding. When Dave and I married, the cooking just seemed to fall to him mostly because he is so much better at it than me. It works for us. I do bake every now and then but mostly from a box mix...especially brownies...yummy. So when I offered to bake the cookies for this week the person who requested it stressed the word "homemade". She even gave me this great idea to get these small pretzels, a bag of rollos, and walnuts. She told me to put a rollo on each pretzel, put it in the oven for just about 2 minutes to get soft, then stick the walnut on top and press in. Sounded easy enough so I figured I could do it. But then I forgot about it. The day the cookies were due (yesterday) I decided to look at my calender first thing in the morning and see what was on for the day. Strange thing is, I usually don't look at my calender till after Luke leaves for school, but this day I looked before he left. OH MY LAND! I screamed to myself...well, a little out loud. I waited with Luke to get picked up by my neighbor as she takes him on her way to work. When she arrived, her son stepped out of the car and brought me the 3 dozen cookies she had made the night before...she remembered. The minute Luke took off, I ran to find a cookbook. I pulled one out that I had received as a gift from an event coordinator in Indiana where I spoke last winter. It was full of recipes the church members had contributed. I found the cookie recipes and picked one that had the fewest ingredients and said "great to do with children." Yes! I might be able to do this. I checked to make sure I had most of the ingredients (they sounded basic I figured Dave would have them on hand.) So I began. First, 1 cup brown sugar...dump in bowl. Next, one cup margarine. Hmmm....well, I found a green tub that looked about the size of what one cup would be so I dumped that in the bowl. Good. Next, one cup flour...got it...dumped it in. Next, 2 cups oatmeal...another, hmmm moment...is that like dried oats? Found that...I dumped it all in because it seemed like more than the amount of butter, and looked like it would be about 2 cups. Finally, one tsp. of baking soda. I looked and looked in every cupboard (obviously Dave was still asleep) until I remembered that baking soda is the stuff that makes your fridge smell good....so I looked in there and yep, there was one opened box so I figured that's what everybody else used too, so I put some in the bowl! Finally it said to mix it all together, mash it, knead it, mix it again with your hands until you could make little balls out of it. Well, it didn't mix at all. It just kept falling apart. I figured it was butter (it was a weight loss vegetable oil kind) so I found a stick of butter in the fridge, melted it a little and dumped it in with the rest. Voila! It worked...it started sticking together and I made little balls and put them on the ungreased pan as it called for. And then the kicker. Here is what the next sentence said, "Butter the small, then roll the balls in sugar and flatten to bake." Excuse me? What is a small? I had no idea. I re-read it. Butter the small....I wanted to cry. It was 7:40am, my husband was sleeping and these were due at school in less than 2 hours. Where was my cell phone? I sneaked into my bedroom very quietly so as not to wake Dave and grabbed my purse with my cell phone in it. I knew just who to call. MaryBeth Whalen...or as Lysa Terkeurst calls her "Gourmet". She is the closest thing to Martha Stewart I know....seriously...not kidding AT ALL. She heard my desperation..."what's wrong?" Me, "are you up?" Her, "ah, yeah, I have 6 kids...what's wrong?" Me: What is a "small"? Her: What? Me: "A small, what is it?" Her: "Shari, what are you talking about"? So I read her the recipe. Her: "There is no such thing as a "small"...that's a typo." Me: "Are you sure, cause it says to butter the small"....and I have tears of desperation in my voice (if there is such a thing). Whew....no such thing as a small....I felt better. That is until Gourmet had me tell her exactly what I had done with the butter and all and she told me I should just dump it all out and start over. Well.....I didn't. I hope there are no sick teachers today. Yikes. So, my husband AND Marybeth said I should just stick to helping women look better....cause I just didn't get the cooking gene! Happy Baking....and do NOT use this recipe unless you butter the small! On a personal note, my son turned 13 this week...and he shaved on his birthday for the first time...I took pictures of Dave showing him how...it was a sweet moment. I am off to St. Petersburg in the morning to speak at a Christmas tea on Saturday...I get to spend the weekend with my dear friend, Mary...so this is gonna be a girls weekend, too! love ya, Shari